Troll vs Twilight Friday, Oct 23 2009 

If you haven’t checked out the web-comic known as xkcd you really should! I’m trying to recover from reading the next two chapters of Twilight and this is what you get for now… trying to write a review on them, honest! It just hurts my brain.


Dark Harbor Sunday, Oct 11 2009 

General Plot:
A couple is driving along a rainy road and they argue a little. When they drive past a man who collapses, they stop. The husband wants to call the police but the “young man” says no cops so they end up driving him to the town. A couple of things happen and this “young man” ends up staying with the couple.
End of General Plot

Okey that’s all I can tell you without giving you spoilers, so from here on it could be spoilers. But I have to tell you that if you can’t figure out the entire plot after twenty minutes then you suck, and if you’re not an Alan Rickman fan then I don’t even think you want to see the movie. So you decide if you care about spoilers or not, if not then lets see what I can say about this one.

Why do I keep calling him “young man” he is bound to have a name right? Yes, you would think that the director or scriptwriter would come up with a name for all the three characters in this movie (yes basically it’s just three people in the entire movie) but no the young man has no name. So I will call him Jack. Just because. He does introduce himself in the movie I think… but I can’t for the life of me remember what he said, or I just imagine that introduction.

Anyway Jack is homeless and he says he can’t write but he is a poet and he is dark, mysterious and I think he is suppose to be handsome in some way I just can’t really see it. The woman is very unhappy in her relationship with her husband (played by Alan Rickman of course) and he seems… well sometimes unhappy and sometimes just bored with her and sometimes happy so I guess I don’t really know (well I did kind of know sense I knew the ending ten minutes into the movie but still). They save him and he ends up in the house on the island (of course it has to be the island because otherwise it can’t be a storm so they can’t call anyone… yes not kidding you that is what happened) and they well… hang out? They yell some, they talk some more, the husband leaves sometimes and then our young man tries to seduce the woman, doesn’t really work and so on… It’s boring people!

The director thinks that just with some “scary” music and a woman in a shower we are suppose to be scared, or a woman running through the forest in her nightgown (yes not kidding you, it’s in there! The picture of the woman running in the cover of the movie is much scarier than when she actually does it in the movie) not to mention the so obviously pretend argument between the two men when the husband runs after the young man as if “he was going to kill him”. Unfortunately nothing scary happens. Even Blair Witch Project is scarier than this movie (and I did not get scared by than one, sorry you who did but… the scene where Harry gets grabbed by Inferies in the last Harry Potter movie were scarier than that entire movie!) So called scary music and so called scary environment does not a scary movie make. Sorry Mr Director, but you suck. No you don’t get a free pass for making the movie 1998 either, a good movie is timeless.  (The warning with agelimit 15 is just crazy!)

Of course the acting of my lovely Alan Rickman is superb but I never expected anything more or less from him, Jack (Norman Reedus) is pretty good to and the woman is okey I guess, but with a bad storyline, crappy script and a obvious ending, not even my Rickman can save this one.

So… why am I still going all “SQUEE!” after watching it? Yes I did! Because of the last minutes of it. Alan Rickman is on this boat (the wife is dead and we didn’t even get to see it happen!) and he undresses… EVERYTHING! Yes you heard med! EVERYTHING! HE IS NAKED! (If you pause and watch you can even see his… well you know… not that I did or anything… yet…) and he jumps into the sea, swims and walks butt naked up the stairs to the house. And we get to see it! Naked Alan Rickman from behind! Come on that is well worth all the Squee in the world! But not only that, oh no, when you think you might die of happiness the young man arrives and they KISS! I real on the mouth (well you don’t get to see that much unfortunately but it’s suppose to be anyway) kiss! I think I can die happy now… *crumbles to the floor in a pile of happy goo*

(Guess I don’t have to tell you the twist of this movie now do I?)

Twilight chapter 6-7 Friday, Oct 9 2009 

They go hiking, or well not really but they go on a trip (Bella and her so called ”friends” in Forks) to a beach, they sit there, meet some people and then they go home. Sounds disinteresting? Well anything would when you put it like that. I do hope you are sitting down because what I am about to tell you might shock you so much you will faint. Are you ready?

I liked this chapter (six). Well, okey let’s not get out hopes up to much here; I liked a particular part of this chapter. The “I’m going with them but thinking about Edward and trying not to gag to much on the fact that Mike likes me and I pretty much hate everyone who wants to talk to me”-Bella was driving me kind of insane there for a bit, but then Jacob Black got introduced. I’m going to ignore how much I hate the fact that the author picked Black as a last name (and not just because of Harry Potter) and just go on anyway. Jacob is of course also of the “handsome” kids but he isn’t pale luckily, and I can see where this is going… but he is likable. Bella is a moron, which she usually is, but in the part about the “story” I get why and I love the fact that he tells her even though he shouldn’t (probably thinking that she won’t believe him anyway). Yes I said loved!

Here’s the thing. When I like something I say it. When I dislike something I say it. Up until now I haven’t really liked anything that much to point it out. I have been fine with the bits and pieces that I haven’t mentioned but as far as “I like” goes, well not really. This on the other hand feels right, feels like something that would happen and it feels logical. Yes I like that part. For you who wonder what the heck I am talking about (I know some of you haven’t read the book and don’t mind spoilers) I am talking about when Jacob tells Bella about the wolfs (werewolf’s) and the cold ones (vampires) and basically outs Edward as a vampire. He tells a pretty good story to and he tells her that he belongs to the wolfs people and that the Cullens is cold ones and that they are special in the fact that they don’t prey on people but animals instead. The thing is I like this. I like the analogy of “the cold ones” and “the wolfs” and every word he uses. It feels like a genuine story of old times and well yeah it was fun reading about. Now I wish I had a book just with these stories instead of Twilight 😉

I hope you are still sitting down because you are going to need it. After the story I started to actually enjoy reading about Bella. She started acting like a normal person would (at least normal in my eyes). She didn’t know what to think, she searched the web for information about vampires and she just didn’t know what to think. I know right! Shocking! Because I would think that after hearing a story like that and putting the pieces about Edward and his family together (pale, handsome, not eating, super strong and unnatural speed and so on) she would feel suspicious. Also I don’t mind that she doesn’t just shrug it off as a stupid idea but that she looks it up. She doesn’t go straight to Edward and ask him “Are you a vampire?” that frankly, I kind of expected of her. She ponders, thinks and ponders some more.

But alas… I’m sorry to have to do this again but… then something snap inside her and she becomes even WORSE than before! Honestly! In chapter seven she sits down in the woods and contemplates the fact that what if Edward is a vampire and she figures out that even if he is (which she kind of think he is) she doesn’t want to loose him. So she starts obsessing about him even more! She has been obsessed before, thinking about him constantly (and I mean constantly) but now it’s like she wants to search him out and be with him even more. A girl just figured out, she thinks, that the boy she likes is a vampire… and she wants to spend more time with him? She doesn’t want to even try to ignore him so she won’t be vampirefood? Oh noes of course not. Because who wouldn’t want to run straight into the arms of a vampire you hardly know? *sigh*

And yes I have noticed that Jacob being “a wolf” is probably a werewolf and that they are usually not handsome in other stories… but if I am to point out every details to you I would be sitting here forever.

Stay tuned for the next chapter! (Don’t know when but not to far away I hope)

Stargate Universe Ep1-2 Monday, Oct 5 2009 

My first experience of Stargate was the movie. Me and my brother was probably one of the first people who watched it in Sweden because we rented it on VHS and I fell in love. Then the first show came. My two favourite characters where still there (Jackson and O’Niell) so I liked it well enough. The first episodes I also rented (rent a show on VHS, who have heard of such a thing!) and then it came to TV and I was still watching it. But after a while I got bored and the plotline got more outrageous, and the characters less and less likable… So I stopped watching it. I tried watching Stargate Atlantis when that came and sure it had a few great new characters, but I still felt it wasn’t like “the movie” that I still love to bits.

So, it was with a slight amount of hesitation that I clicked on the first episode of Stargare Universe, the new one in the series. I was willing to give it a go though, because I know other people who like it well enough and because I still haven’t lost hope…

General plot:
A bunch of people fall out of the Stargate to this big ancient ship and they get hurt because they practically fly out of it, and now they have to find a way to survive. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. What, you wanted more? Well, they have a senator, a girl, a nerd, a doctor, guest appearances with a slightly chubby O’Niell, a longhaired Sam and oh a video with Jackson. They also have the rebel, the “doctor”, the romantic drama, the sacrifice for the good of them all and that stuff.

If you like Stargate SG1 and especially if you fancy Stargate Atlantis I think this is a show for you. If you don’t like them? Well I haven’t made up my mind yet. It does have some good qualities but they are playing on the edge of what is good drama and cliché to.

I do know that Eli (David Blue) is a cliché and the so called comic relief. The nerd’s ultimate fantasy for the games/shows they play/watch to actually be real, but I can’t help it; I love him! Oh and the so called “doctor” is creepy… eew!

Favourite Quotes:

“We got to at least open a few doors.”
”Do we? Do we really?”

“The door is flashing red.”
”Can you open it from there?”
“Red is usually bad isn’t it?”

Twilight chapter 5 Sunday, Oct 4 2009 

OMG! I don’t know what to say. Apparently my “Superman with fangs” can withstand Kryptonite, but I’m willing to ignore that because in my eyes he is going to be the blue spandex boy! Bella does admit to having the theory that he could be Peter Parker or Bruce Wayne, and even here she is being stupid! Clark Kent! That is who you should be thinking about! (You mean I’m not taking this seriously? Haha, already figured that one out did you? You get a gold star and you may also keep reading).

So what happens in this chapter? Let’s see… Edward and Bella talks, they talk some more, Bella goes to class (Edward skips it) and almost pass out when the class is about blood types and she smells blood, then Edward ignore Mike who tries to get Bella’s attention, Edward sweeps he off her feet, Bella is resentful that Mike cares about her, they talk some more, Edward drives her home and… well that is pretty much it.

One thing I would like to bring up is the fact that Edward gets all surprised at the fact that Bella can smell blood. Am I stupid thinking that pretty much everybody can smell blood? Because I know I can (I do have to admit that we had the exact class at my High School and I almost fainted because of the smell of blood too, does that mean I get to be with a vampire who by rumour has it; sparkles?) and I am pretty sure I am not the only one? Blood do smell. It’s nothing weird about it? Some of us are just more sensitive about it. Edward of course shows off his inhuman strength again by lifting her up as nothing and carrying her to the nurse’s office.

Is biology and gym the only classes they’ve got at this school? Because it’s the only ones she seems to attend. Or that we get to see her attend is more like, or as the fact is here see her skip because she is “sick”. Oh and the cafeteria! They do seem to be spending a lot of time there. Not eating though. Why would you even go there if you’re not intending to eat? Oh well, maybe it’s a cultural thing.

What else? Oh yes, Edward is beautiful, handsome and has perfect features. What? You actually mean I have already told you this? Noooo! I couldn’t have. Sorry but the author keeps bringing it up so I need to keep pointing it out.

Does anyone but me notice that fact that Edward probably has the fastest changing mood ever? Maybe he’s bipolar? One second he smiles at her and tells a joke, the next he frowns disturbed, the next he is dark and broody and then in an instant he is almost smiling again. He shifts moods so fast I get bored. I do not think he is all that dark and mysterious, and the fact that the author tries to make him that by having him change mood every second is not exactly a turn-on either. Bella is irritatingly stupid and easily annoyed. Also, I am so over the fact that he thinks she is special because he can’t read her. What is it he can’t read? She’s an obnoxious, stupid girl with a bad temper and no interesting qualities at all… why on earth is that hard to read?

Twilight chapter 4 Friday, Oct 2 2009 

” he was talking to a mental patient…”

Thank you! Why, if Edward truly realizes that she is stupid, why oh why is he still interested? Doesn’t it exist more than one girl in the entire world? (“No it doesn’t! Not when it’s true love and it is, it’s true love! It’s romantic and perfect and squuee!” I hear people shouting in the distance but I can’t listen to that. High school love isn’t true love, it’s hormones and stupidity all wrapped in to one to make us grown ups wish we could pound some sense into the kids!) Something about her blood? Yeah now I do feel sorry for him. Well not really… I wish I could because sometimes I feel like without the “Superman with fangs”-thing he could’ve been an interesting character. Not sane or anything like that, just interesting.

I do have to admit that Edward in blue spandex and a giant E on his chest has made me chuckle more than one time yesterday and today… can you imagine it? Flying off in the distance, carrying Bella, to destroy yet another book with every stupid word, every stupid thought and all the Mary-Sueness you could wish for if you were indeed mentally handicapped. I am not saying that you need to be mentally handicapped to enjoy Twilight… I’m saying that… that… you… eh… never mind.

”We shouldn’t be friends.” “Do you want a ride to Seattle?” “I’m tired of staying away from you, Bella.” “You really should stay away from me.” Eh…. What? Are you kidding me? What Edward, do you want Bella to realize all by herself that she shouldn’t be with you? You want her to actually be really offended with you and stay away? Well then, how about you stop acting like she matters some of the times you talk to her and stick with the “I don’t care about you attitude”! It’s like watching the emotionally abusive relationship with the boyfriend hitting the girlfriend but as long as he apologizes afterwards she is all mushy for him again. Maybe they all just need a big healthy dose or therapy?

And what is her problem? She gets pissed off at the three guys wanting to go out with her and then a second later she is having self esteem issues because Edward doesn’t like her? Because she is just so ordinary, bla bla bla! Yeah right, because any other girl almost gets his by a car or moves from a big town to a small one or gets three guys at the same time to swoon over her… Do girls really act like that? For real?! If we do then I would like to give a big “I’m sorry” to all the guys out there. No wonder you say you don’t get us. Frankly I don’t get Bella either. I mean who really gets offended when a person likes them but then also gets offended when someone seem to dislike them too? Who? I’d like to know, because I want to have a serious talk with that person.

Maybe I should stop now, keep my sanity, but I need to get through it… please give me strength!

Twilight chapter 3 Thursday, Oct 1 2009 

Wow, I didn’t know it even existed so many synonyms for the word beautiful. Seriously. It’s a lot, and I do believe the author here has found them all. Or maybe not and soon I will learn a lot more. Honestly… really? She can’t even look at him because he is soooo wonderful. How have all the other girls managed in school for two years? I mean, have they tried and learned it’s no use or do they simply don’t care? I don’t get the fascination, but I guess if I where to meet him I would swoon… *gags*

So, what happens in this chapter? Well Bella is in an accident and is of course heroically saved by none other than Edward. He drags her away, lifts the truck (a little) that almost hits her and is basically superman. I’m expecting him to fly off in the distant any minute now. But alas, this does not happen (darn!). I do expect him to be able to fly you know, because that would literally make him Superman with fangs! Think about it, you know I’m right.

After she’s saved she absolutely know that he couldn’t have saved her because he was standing so far away so he couldn’t possibly have gotten to her in time if he was a normal human (see lightning speed! I’m telling you; Edward is Superman…or Marty-Sue, who ever you prefer). But she absolutely knows that she is not insane, that he moved so fast not one person could see him, and she gets pissed off at him when he doesn’t tell her. Yeah… did I mention that she hit her head? Okey, any normal person in that situation would probably think; “I hit my head, I think I saw him to far away but I did hit my head hard and I might be wrong because it’s just isn’t possible that any human could move that fast. Haha, do you really thing his Superman, come on Bella now your just being silly.” But oh no she doesn’t. She is utterly stupid about almost every other thing in the book but this one thing, when she actually get a free pass for being stupid, she is of course not.

And what happens in the hospital? Well she meets this doctor, who is also inhumanly beautiful (doesn’t she see a sign here instead? A whole family, kids adopted too apparently, that is so beautiful it almost hurts to look at them? Doesn’t that make her go a little suspicious? But no she doesn’t even contemplate the meaning of it). Now the author gets something going that is interesting, she talks about Bellas so called intuition. Come on! She doesn’t have that! Maybe when it fits the author and maybe when it fits the plotline but she doesn’t really have good intuition! If she did she would be better at reading people, she would be better at figuring things out and well she would just be better. Maybe she isn’t a Mary-Sue after all, maybe she is just stupid.

What agony it is that people is actually concerned about her! I mean of course it would be a lot better if not one person came to the hospital and asked how she was or if she needed help! I mean, YUCK! People care about her?! How could they! The HORROR! … … … Seriously? She gets mad at people for caring about her! Of course she has been living a lonely life so far if that is her problem. People should just ignore her and then she could be happy or what? If she doesn’t want friends why is she so bothered in the beginning about not really having any “back home”? I don’t get it.

The only funny parts are when Edward treats her like the child she is and smirks at her and she gets pissed off at him. That is truly funny. She deserves it.